Han Week 3
Everything can be treated as a tool in my point of view. so manicure is the symbol of ‘building up and shaping’. and the rule I can break is the way I’m doing it. like how many formal steps I skip and add some glittering paper pieces on a nail, stick on.
全世界的東西對我來說都只是工具。完成一種表達的工具。因此，美甲如果別具意義，那就會是他的形塑空間。而當中可以實踐的部分，便是那個固定流程與可以踰越的空間，像是我渴望將立體的金蔥放在指甲上一樣。
From my experience living in London, it is always out of gender issue. For the polish, or let’s say ‘color on nails’. Many straight ( he claims) wearing the black polish by the reason of the style punk or gothic.
Therefore, the gender part could be neglected, so I wonder, as “A STYLE”,
The blur could be accepted, a style is a choice by purchasing.
So should we say that, in a way, capitalism helps us to escape the depression by having enough money to make the ‘LIFESTYLE’ decision?
That is the effect of the images are all around us~
So what are we exactly talking about?
對於指甲上的色彩，我在倫敦時的經驗，使我發現他在性別以外的題目下發生，許多男生（聲稱異性戀、甚至有異性戀伴侶）也會擦指甲油，但是是黑色指甲油。這也許是受龐克“風格”的影響。
有了風格，雙性之間似乎就被抹糊了。
風格是否是一種主張？是一種選擇他便是一種商機。
圖像社會變如此暗示。
In the drag competition, I got third place, and I got a note about my drag performance- she is doping very Hannah.
in a way, I escape the expected image of what a drag queen performance should be. I am playing a character named Hannah but I still project some piece of Han onto it. the line is blurry but clear between Han and Hannah, that kind of in-between makes me feel satisfied. maybe it matters for the viewers.
變裝比賽、仲夏夜之夢
The note of ‘it’s very Hannah’ 在某個程度上我是否逃逸了變裝皇后給人的某一種期待？我使用我自己在那個扮演、附身、擬態的線上的清晰與模糊。我踩在扮演的線上，ＨＡＮ與ＨＡＮＮＡＨ的交會。既是讓某種集體期待的ＤＩＶＡ再我身上，更是讓ＨＡＮ與ＨＡＮＮＡＨ戶做為幽靈的主體，進出在我的肉身之間。
I am always on a very weird site, I have no LGBTQ society in my life, though I might have a group of friends that all see themself as QUEER people, somehow I would find another bridge to connect us instead of “this is my gang of QUEER love bae”.
Therefore, when I see a common value like the liberation of desire, that couldn’t represent me. Also, that projection of desire is very personal somehow.
我一直走在一個灰色的位置，我沒有所謂的同志社群，亦或者我的社交圈裡當大家都是酷兒時我會找到另外一種連結，因此酷兒社群的種種現象與慾望，不能代表我，同時我也會視之為私密的部分。
Therefore, when the play was performed with straightforward, obvious desires, LGBT audiences as TA, heterosexual narration, and passion by all audiences, I quickly became estranged. I don't want to be part of any group, it's my pride in my identity to be different, Even if I look directly at the nature of desire, it's a private fear in public. The excited audience made me cool, and I had a kind of resistance at the moment, such a straightforward vocabulary, I think it is private, and it can empathize and share, but I believe that there is an appearance that is higher than language to show.
And cross-dressing is regarded as an element in the adapted play. I think it is quite reasonable, and it also has its meaning in text and symbols.
But does it confirm my own opinion that cross-dressing is regarded as a tool, a tool for action?
Or is he just a usage metric that a hair, makeup, and dress can have in the theater?
How does pleasure become a fear in such a scene?
It is only in the theater of heterosexuality that the imagination and projection of the heterosexuality of heterosexual gays are satisfied.
I thought about it and then I thought about it, the power symbol of objects to me.
How to wear specific objects or even cross-dressing, he is giving me the implementation and practice of the role I can have under this social structure and the mode of daily life. The whole day is a ballroom game.
因此，當該戲以直接、直白、可視的慾望、同志群體作為觀眾、異性戀本位得敘述、群起激情的演出過程中，我很快的就疏離開來。我不想被加入任何的群體，是之於不同是我對我身份認同中的驕傲，即便直視慾望的本質，那是公開場合的私人恐懼。群起興奮的觀眾們使我冷卻，我當下有一種抗拒，如此直白的語彙，我認為是私密的，他可以共感可以分享，但我相信有高於語言的樣貌可以展現。
而變裝視為一種元素放在改編過的戲之中，我覺得相當之合理，也有他文本與符號上的意義。
但是否印證我自己認為的，變裝視為一種工具、一種行動的工具？
或者他只是劇場中，三裝可以擁有的使用量度？
愉悅如何在這樣的場域變成一種恐懼？
只是在異性戀本位的劇場中滿足了異性戀本位男同志的異性戀本位的想像與投射。
我想到了再我想到了，物件之於我的權力象徵。
如何穿戴特定物件、甚至是變裝這件事情，他都在賦予我執行、實踐這個社會架構下我可以有的角色、日常生活扮演的模式。整個日常就是一個ball room遊戲。
Wave Week 3
In the second live streaming, we chatted until we almost forgot the time, and the four hours passed quickly. When our hands continue to shape objects of unknown shape, the topic will keep turning and discovering with the dynamics of our hands. For example, when Han glued pieces of clay onto his nails, Kai, the project host who came to the scene to participate, mentioned that Li-Hong,our art administrative assistant (AAA), was actually a manicurist. Our topic immediately turned to nail beauty, and we considered inviting Li-Hong to do my nails with Han in the next live streaming.
In the kneading process, the continuous change of color and shape is always the focus of our attention. Therefore, we link together objects that may not be related. For example, the white clay can be a mushroom first, and after we flatten it, it becomes a sanitary napkin. Or, colored clay that is like dried tofu becomes a colorful galaxy on a comb. As the rainbow colors became more and more blended and mixed, the ash-colored clay and ribbons intertwined and became a poop. Our facilitator, Kang, said that these productions do not seem to be practical. However, he also said that he saw a gender-fluid and queer language of expression in this man-made event. He also raised the question, "How should we talk about queerness nowadays?" He believes that clay does embody some of the ideas of our project, but is also curious about the connection between clay and "feel Good(s)". That has yet to be clarified.
On June 10th, Han participated in a drag queen dress-up event. He spent more than a week preparing with all his might. When I asked him why he made a costume with the idea of yellow watermelon, he said he liked green, and his instinct made him want to do it. It seems that the arrangement of cross-dressing and performances is difficult to explain with clear cause, effect and logic at many times, and there is no need to explain more. Flashy, meaningless, exaggerated connections and expressions are sometimes the key elements that make drag performance groundbreaking, provocative, and blurring the established order. The creation of cross-dressing is like kneading clay. In the process of constant change, the unknown interest and meaning are suddenly revealed.
I observed that among the participants on the day, only Han's nails were styled. Others were more concerned with wigs, makeup and clothing. However, I found that nail art, while seemingly tiny, has the power of gender fluidity. After the third live streaming, I lived with the manicures made by Han and Li-Hong. My hand movements have changed a lot, and there are subtle but significant differences in the attitude of others towards me. "Cool", "beautiful", "it suits you so well", "very handsome", " flirt", the direct evaluation and discussion of my nails unexpectedly opened my alternative observation. Hands play an extremely important role in many human contact moments in life, such as transactions, meals, work, communication, and the use of mobile phones. In order to protect the nails from damage, my hand movements have become more detailed and careful. I always have my nails face up and often watch and show involuntarily. Therefore, whenever I operate, pick up various objects, or communicate with people, I seem to have another kind of life, like being "possessed", with a strange but comfortable feeling. Nail art not only changed the style of my hands, but also gradually changed my behavior and even the way I saw myself. Could this be an embodiment of some kind of "feel Good(s)" ?
We watched a show together that featured gender fluidity and explored the differences we focus on in conversation. The costume styling in the play uses a lot of cross-dressing elements, especially the use of exaggerated "sexual characteristics". The show is based on heterosexuality, and the homosexuality plot is a special setting that creates comedic effects. After a while of joy, I was rather puzzled. Straight men were casted and bent, as if there was a sense of superiority that non-straight men finally challenged and succeeded. When straight men become all kinds of cross-dressing beasts, full of passion and full of sexual impulses, the emotions of the audience under the stage can always be highly stimulated. I wonder why playing with gender in this way is so effective in arousing the pleasure of the audience? Why does the charm of heterosexual characters' cross-dressing seem to be more entertaining? As we all know, these plots are just theatrical performances, but the switch to Han's drag scene still works. One stark difference, however, is how the fictional setting relates to the performers. I found that most of the time, drag performers are not just performing, but more emphasis on the use of exaggerated language to complain or laugh at the limitations of the outside world's understanding of body and gender.
So, how to promote gender fluidity in the process of performing objects? Why does unstable gender representation always attract attention? How is the pleasure of playing with gender achieved? Why are we eager to explore these questions? Are we feeling something is wrong?
Wave週記3
第二場直播，我們聊到失去時間感，四個小時很快就過去。當雙手持續捏塑形體不明的物體，話題會隨著手中的動態不斷轉向與發現。例如，當詩翰將一塊塊黏土黏在指甲上後，來到現場參與的計畫主持人翊愷便提到，協助我們進行計畫的麗虹，其實是一名美甲師。我們話題立刻轉到指甲美容上，並考慮下一場直播邀請麗虹，與詩翰一起在我手上做指甲。
捏塑過程，顏色與造型持續變化的表現，始終是最吸引我們注意的重點。我們因此將本身可能不具關聯的物件，連結在一起。例如，白色的黏土可以是先是一朵蘑菇，下一刻壓平以後，變成衛生棉。或者，像是一疊癱軟豆乾的彩色黏土，變成了在梳子上的繽紛銀河。當彩虹顏色越來越交融、混合後，灰土色的黏土和緞帶交纏在一起，又變成一條大便。這些生產，看來不具實用性，協作者剛華這樣回饋我們。然而他表示，這件人為操作的事件，在他眼裡看到一種具備性別流動的表達語言，有酷兒的色彩在裡頭。他更提到：「在當代，我們該如何再談論酷兒？」這個問題。他認為黏土確實體現了我們計畫的某些想法，但也好奇，這與「好感物」之間的連結，甚至是「酷兒性」這件事情，還有待釐清。
6/10，詩翰參與一場變裝活動。他花超過一週的時間，全力準備。我問他為何以「小玉西瓜」為題製作服裝，他表示喜歡綠色，直覺讓他想要這麼做。看來，變裝造型、表演的安排，很多時刻難用清楚的因果、邏輯來解釋，也無需多做解釋。跳耀性、無意義、誇張化的連結與表達，有時正是使變裝表演具有開創性、挑釁及模糊既定秩序的關鍵因素。變裝的創造就像在捏黏土，總在不斷流變的過程中，乍現未知的趣味與意義。
事後發現，當天參與者中，只有詩翰的指甲有做造型，其他人較側重大面積的處理（假髮、妝容、服裝）。然而，我發現「美甲」這件事雖然微小，卻深具性別流動的力量。第三場直播後，我帶著詩翰與麗虹做的美甲過生活。我的手部動作起了不少變化，他人面對我的態度，也有細微卻顯著的差異出現。「很酷」、「很美」、「太適合你了」、「很帥」、「騷包」，對我指甲直接的評價與討論，意外開啟我另類的觀察。舉凡交易、用餐、工作、溝通，以及使用手機，生活中許多與人接觸的時刻，雙手扮演了極為重要的角色。為了保護美甲不受損，我的手部動作變得更細緻、小心翼翼。我總是將指甲表面朝上，經常不由自主地觀看與展示。因此，每當操作、拿取各種物件，或與人交流時，我彷彿有了另一種生命，像是被「附身」一樣，有種既陌生又自在的感覺。美甲不只改變手部造型，也逐漸改造我的行為舉止，甚至是看待自己的方式。這會是某種「好感物」的體現嗎？
我們一起看了一檔展演性別流動的演出，並在對話中探索我們關注的差異。劇中服裝造型運用大量變裝元素，尤其是誇張的「性徵」使用。演出以異性戀為本位，同性戀情節為殊異、笑果的製造設定，是一陣歡愉過後最讓我納悶的發現。直男被施法而被掰彎，好似有種非直男總算挑戰成功的優越感。當直男淪為各種變裝猛獸，激情四射、滿腦性衝動時，台下觀眾的情緒總能被高度激發。我好奇，為什麼這樣玩弄性別，能如此有效激起觀眾的愉悅感？為什麼異性戀角色變裝所散發的魅力，似乎娛樂性更勝一籌？眾所皆知，這些情節只是戲劇表演，但轉換到如詩翰的變裝表演場景裡，此舉彷彿仍然有效。不過，有項絕然的差異在於，虛構設定與表演者的關係究竟如何。我發現，變裝表演者很多時候並非只在表演，而是更加強調，運用浮誇語言來控訴或笑看，外界對身體與性別認識的侷限這件事情。
因此，如何在表演物件的過程，促使性別流動呢？為什麼不穩定的性別表現，總是吸引注目？玩弄性別的愉悅感，是如何達成的？為什麼我們渴望探索這些問題？有哪些不對勁的感覺嗎？
｜Goods Talk 3 直播紀錄｜
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